This is an excerpt from the book: The Secret of the Can: How to Not Get Distracted By the Garbage and the Drama of Life. It gives insight on an very important initial awareness when building a solid foundation for a life of success.
January 28 – Class Experience
I noticed everyone left quietly after yesterday’s class. “What were your thoughts?” asked Mr. Walker.
Reese raised his hand. “Mr. W, it seems like kids have no way of protecting themselves from things.”
“Very good observation Reese!” as Mr. Walker nodded in agreement and continued, “Let me explain. As a small child we have no way of protecting ourselves. We are like sponges. We don’t care if the water is dirty or the water is clean, we absorb it all. It makes no difference if it’s positive or negative, good or bad, rich or poor, being accepted or being made fun of, included or rejected, built-up or putdown, loving or abusive. We absorb everything and initially have no way of protecting ourselves.”
“It takes a responsible adult to provide protection in those early years. Some of us were fortunate and others less fortunate when it came to this protection and sometimes even under the best circumstances we are negatively impacted. By the age of four, our family has programmed us, along with our social and environmental surroundings, not to mention our genetic programming from past generations. We react to life’s circumstances out of that programming,” said Mr. Walker.
“Wow, then some people are screwed right from the start,” added Reese.
Walker laughed and continued, “Well, not exactly. It depends on where you put your focus. Many people rise above negative experiences just fine and for some reason they only see the positive. But the majority of people have a different experience and learn to focus on the negative which, in turn, becomes their pattern in life and their reality.
“Imagine constantly hearing; you can’t do that, you’re not big enough, not strong enough, not pretty enough, too fat or too skinny, your feet are too big, you’re dumb, you’re stupid. Then you grow up thinking you’re not going to be able to do anything right.”
“That’s a tough start to life,” said Reese.
“Yes Reese, through constant reinforcement in our environment we are convinced or led to believe we are a certain way or we have to be a certain way,” Mr. Walker continued, “Some kids are raised in an environment of positive reinforcement, but for many others, a large portion of their life experience is negative. Focusing on all the negativity attracts more of the same and too many people believe things can’t change and perceive themselves as being stuck. Eventually they become angry, resentful, and hopeless. So I guess your earlier statement that they’re screwed may hold true Reese.”
“Wow, Mr. Walker,” Reese blurted out, “Can you imagine being a fifth grader and having those thoughts and feelings? You see no future, no purpose, and no hope. You see no way out and then they expect you to do well in school? Gimme me a break! Now I see why we have problems in classrooms. While some kids want to learn, others are just there with all that garbage.”
“Well Reese, maybe someday they’ll understand the Secret of the Can,” said Mr. Walker.
Reese continued, “Wouldn’t it be sad being told you’ll never amount to anything as a kid and by 5th grade you believed it?”
“Not only is it sad but it happens often and in ways that are not always obvious,” stated Mr. Walker as his voice softened, “But even sadder is the number of adults who have lived their entire life with that belief.”
Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’ll be right.
– Henry Ford
Mr. Walker noticed the time and quickly said, “We’ve covered a lot in class today. Let me try to summarize this before the bell rings. As a child we learn what we live, you become what you learn, and many people think of themselves through the words others use to define them. If the words are mostly critical, it sets up an inner conflict affecting our self-confidence. Inside we know we are good, but this is in conflict with what we are being told on the outside. If we are constantly told no, or we can’t do it, or we’re not good enough, then we begin to believe and behave as if we can’t and we’re not good enough. Those words become our beliefs and our beliefs become our reality and our reality is a direct result of every action we take or don’t take. We become what others have told us we are,” shared Mr. Walker.
“So rather than self-esteem many of us develop other esteem,” Reese said with a new found excitement and understanding.
“Exactly!” answered Mr. Walker with a large smile and a nod of approval. “Many think there’s something wrong with them; they think they’re broken and they need fixed. The fact is – they’re not broken. They were just given a false belief. So change your belief or your judgment about yourself and the world around you will change.”
“Another important fact to remember is that to a child many things appear different than they do to an adult. I remember sledding in my backyard when I was around eight years old. As a kid I thought this was the biggest, baddest, meanest sledding hill around. When I went back to the house few years ago as an adult, I couldn’t believe my eyes…it wasn’t even a hill. How I had that perception as a child I’ll never know. Shortly after we walked into the house and I walked up to the second floor into my old bedroom. The house that seemed like a big mansion when I was a child, all of a sudden was so small.”
“We take many of our childhood perceptions and beliefs, especially our fears and self-doubts into our teenage and adult lives and it’s those perceptions and beliefs that hold many back for a whole lifetime. But the good news is…that can all be changed.”
Just then the bell rang. Reese sat on the far side of the room from the door and was usually the last student out, never rushed in his departure.
“Reese, how’s basketball?” asked Walker.
“It’s good Mr. W. You should stop by and watch practice tonight.”
“I’ll do that Reese,” Walker stated.
Author Larry Tracey is founder and director of the Youth4Youth program. For more information visit: www.youth4youth.org or www.TheSecretoftheCan.com
