Setting goals has multiple benefits and is a great opportunity for positive communication with your child. Our mind is a power tool and goal setting allows us to point it in the right direction. It creates motivation and is a non-threatening way to look at areas for improvement. 

I first started setting goals with my oldest son Joe, when he was in second grade. I remember we were lying on the bed having a conversation about the new school year and how exciting it will be. We talked about things he learned last year and I asked if he knew what he would be learning this year. 

From that conversation my son set a goal to learn to write cursive. Cursive was something he was going to learn regardless, that year. 

Our purpose is to get our children to learn how to set goals and create the memory and feeling of being successful. This helps them gain self-confidence in themselves and the process. 

Since writing cursive was his goal, he was excited and eager to learn. The idea is that they set the goal and they remember achieving it. So, at the end of the year we went to Chuck E. Cheese’s to celebrate. With my second and third son we started goal setting in kindergarten.  

 Sometimes kids will set a goal that is unrealistic. When Brian was in fourth grade I asked him what is one thing he would like to improve on in school this year? He said spelling. So he wrote a goal to score 100% on all his spelling tests.  

Realizing these were extreme odds I had to do some quick thinking. I asked him if he ever made an “i” that looked like an “e” or if he ever accidently forgot a letter? He said yes. From there, we figured he would take about thirty spelling tests during the year. I suggested he try for 100% on 20 tests and he agreed. We made a spelling test chart for the desk in his bedroom. There he could see his goal and his progress and in April of that year he reached his goal of 100% on twenty tests. Here’s the best part, rarely did I have to remind him to study for spelling. This is not to say you will not have to take the lead roll. As adults and the parent you may have to be highly active in helping your children reach their goals.     

Goal Setting Tips

1. Put goals in writing. This is a MUST.
2. Focus on do’s not don’ts.
3. Goals must be specific or measurable. Learning to write cursive is measurable. 100% on 20 tests is specific. Good grades are nether specific or measurable.
4. Set one, two or three goals to start with. Set some fun or personal goals too!
5. Post goals where they can be read, seen and remembered. Get creative here. Make signs or posters. Use pictures. Put them on book bags, t-shirts, binders or folders and more!
6. Celebrate your victories. 

Last But Very Important

1. Make sure these are your child’s goals, not yours. 
2. Learn the language of support and genuine encouragement. Nagging, shaming or guilt tripping is not an option.
3. Have patience. As your child gains confidence you will see them using goal setting in many areas of his or her life.

Last year, my now 24-year-old son Brian, called me and said, “Hey dad, email me a goal sheet will you?” Teach your children valuable life skills and you will get those unexpected gifts from them later in life. If you would like more information or have a question on how to get started post a comment or request on this blog.

Larry Tracey is author of the Secret of the Can, voted as one of the best books for teens and parents by Radical Parenting. He is founder of Youth4Youth and is a keynote speaker and trainer who teaches success and leadership skills to businesses, educators and parents. Contact Larry through website links or if you want updates delivered directly to you, sign-up for the  newsletter on the website.    © 2009 Larry Tracey All Rights Reserved    

Children thrive on structure. That’s why Constructive Use of Time is an important Asset and valuable parenting tool that will help you develop happy, healthy, successful children and teens. Here are 3 Quick Tips to assist you.

 1.      Lay the foundation by having established rules, curfews, and discuss your expectations of behavior.

Sit down and determine what the rules and curfews are. Ask yourself questions like; do I need to limit the amount of time my kids spend on electronic media such as television, computers, cell phones or the like? Write it out. This will help you clearly identify your expectations and set boundaries and guidelines.

Next, have that discussion. Be open to input from your children after you have written out what you determined the rules to be. Keep in mind, the more you involve your son or daughter in establishing the rules and curfews, the easier it will be to enforce. Your teen may even surprise you. I know one parent who was going to set a curfew of 10:30 PM and her son said he thought his curfew should be 10 PM.  

 Make sure if you are a two parent home that both parents establish the rules and discuss expectations together. In a case where a single parent is living with the child’s grandparent(s) make sure that all caregivers in the home are part of the process.  There is nothing more confusing to a child than having two or three sets of rules and expectations in the same home.   

 2.      Give the day structure by developing a daily schedule or routine.

This helps your child develop time management and organizational skills; skills that many adults lack. Helping your child develop these skills will put them ahead of the game in school and later in life.

 Some of the basics of a daily routine might include:

• Make bed every day
• Put dirty clothes in laundry
• Put away clean clothes
• Daily personal hygiene
• Breakfast
• One or more chores: dishes, trash out, lawn care…

 Expand this during the school year to include:

• Set their own alarm clock
• Choose their school clothes the night before
• Have books and homework assignments in one spot

• Keep track of their homework assignments

 3.      Get them involved and keep them involved in sports or other activities.

• Attending a local sports camp is an excellent use of time and will give your son or daughter more self-esteem and confidence while building healthy friendships.
• Help your child develop some form of skill building and conditioning into their daily routine. Every summer afternoon I would shoot a basketball as part of my daily routine. I could hardly wait for my father to get home each day so I could try to beat him in our daily foul shooting contest. This also helps develop discipline.
• Suggest the buddy system, where your teen and a couple of their friends condition together. When my older brother was conditioning in July for football, he would include me in all his exercises and two-mile runs. Not only will they build great friendships but they will find themselves pushing each other to higher levels of performance. Now is a great time to plan your child or teen’s involvement for fall sports.
• Golf has become popular with teens and teaches leadership, confidence, courtesy, respect, discipline and honesty. Many area clubs have youth programs.
• Consider chess, art classes, gymnastics, martial arts, volunteering and so on. These traits will stay with them forever!

 Kids build confidence and self-esteem by developing skills. Using these 3 Tips will help your children develop skills for a lifetime. There will be times when you get resistance. Expect it and stick to your agreements. If they say you are nagging or too strict, you are not, its called parenting. One day your children will appreciate that you have taught them Constructive Use of Time.

Larry Tracey, author of this article, is a parent and teen expert, who teaches success and leadership life skills. He is author of an award-winning book for teens, pre-teens and parents, titled The Secret of the CAN. Larry is founder of Youth4Youth and believes each student has the potential to be successful. Contact Larry Tracey at success@larrytracey.com or get more useful tips at www.youth4youth.org/blog

 So I would give them a slip of paper to take home and give to their hubby that said, “I just spent the evening surrounded by many great couples. I hope you will join us for our next session.” And the next session - all the husbands would show up, each probably thinking they were the only husbands not there for the first session.

 Well, over the last three months, those closest to me and those in my mastermind group have been pushing me to start working with parents again. I use the word pushing because they haven’t let the subject drop and somehow almost every conversation ends with “that would be a great idea for you to share with other parents, don’t you think?” Or they will ask me, “What I think of this idea for a parent topic?” Or my favorite, “I was thinking last night and I wrote down some ideas for you to use when you get back into doing your parent workshops.”

 Well all this has taken me closer to the “tipping point” on the subject. But the tipping point came when a panel of teens, voted my book, The Secret of the Can, one of the 50 Top Parenting books. Now have a new parent brochure, I’ve put a parent page on my website and I’m starting parenting Teleseminars this August and September.

 So here I am getting back to something I have a special gift for, sharing success skills with parents. I invite you to join me on the journey.

 Here are a few articles to dive into and sites that may provide useful information, resources and ideas. 

10 Rules Kids Wished Their Parents Lived By Here are our radical parenting principles put together by Vanessa and our Teen Team of how we wish parenting would be.

50 Best Mom Blogs Parents always ask us “which websites should I read?” Here we did a complete overview of our favorite mommy bloggers across the net with reviews, favorite articles and descriptions.

These articles are by Vanessa Van Petten who runs RadicalParenting.com a parenting blog written from the kid’s perspective with 20 teen writers. Their goal is to give parents a secret view into the world of kids and youth.

 Larry Tracey is a parent and teen coach, who teaches success and leadership life skills. He is author of a book for teens, pre-teens and those who once were teens, titled The Secret of the CAN. Larry is founder of Youth4Youth and believes each child has the potential to be successful. Contact Larry Tracey at parenting@youth4youth.org  

Which type of person will you be today?

1. I can have my cake and eat it too.

2. Cake is too rich, so I take a smaller piece.

3. I just buy a donut; focus on the hole and wonder why I have nothing.

You get what you focus on. Where will you put your focus today?

Larry Tracey is founder of Youth4Youth, an author, keynote speaker and trainer who teaches success and leadership skills to promote school safety by treating everyone with respect.

Here’s an article to share and discuss with your teen:

Hey Kids! Have you ever been in a situation where you’re playing a video game and the thought hits you…I have homework and a test to study for? You know what you should do - but you make a decision to keep playing because you want to beat the game. So you tell yourself, “Only 10-minutes more.” 10-minutes turns into two-hours and before you know it, you’re back in school unprepared for the test and without your homework for your next class. You squeak by with a D on the test and tell yourself, “I’m glad it wasn’t an F, at least I passed.” As for the homework, “Well, I’ll just have to make sure I don’t miss anymore assignments.” We all know how that goes!

Decisions, decisions! How many decisions will you make today? Try counting them and you will soon discover you are constantly making decisions; hundreds if not thousands each day; should I get up, what do I wear today, what will I eat, shower or wash my face and that’s only the beginning.

How does someone become a good decision-maker? It’s simple! Start making decisions. Decision-Making is a skill; it’s like a muscle, the more you use it, the stronger it becomes. The best part is it increases your self-esteem and self-confidence. You develop pride in yourself and gain more respect & trust from your peers and adults. You begin to make bigger decisions that take you faster and further in life. The best part is - anyone can do it!

Decision-making Tips
1.) Make a decision to develop a daily routine.
This decision helps you get each day off to a good start. If you prepare the night before you will end your day as a winner and be ready for a good start in the morning.
2.) Put yourself in situations where you have to make decisions.
Make a decision to become involved with clubs or organizations in your school, church or community. You will learn both decision-making and leadership skills. Note: When you first join a club or organization it is normal to feel uncomfortable. Step out of your comfort zone. Years from now you will look back and say, “That was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made!” For more on youth leadership and decision-making visit www.youth4youth.org
3.) Ask a trusted adult or role model for advice.
Adults will help you consider things you never thought about because of their life experiences. Take their insight and use it to help make the best decision. Who are the adults in your life that can help you look at your options in different situations?
4.) Decide who you will be as a person.
Who you are is your character and it is based on your morals and beliefs. As we mature, we learn to gather facts and knowledge and include that information in our decision-making. There are times when we will find the best decision may not always be the most popular one or one I like, but it may very well be the best decision. When in question about a decision, “Listen with your heart.”

People who have become great decision-makers have made a lot more poor decisions than the average person. I once asked a close friend, Willie, how he got so good at making decisions? He said, “I practiced and practiced. I’ve made a lot of bad decisions, but I never made a decision I haven’t learned from and more importantly - I never gave up.”

Larry Tracey is a parent and teen coach, who teaches success and leadership life skills. He is author of a book for teens, pre-teens and those who once were teens, titled The Secret of the CAN. Larry is founder of Youth4Youth and believes each student has the potential to be successful. Contact Larry Tracey at success@youth4youth.org

Have one or more books you are reading that are uplifting, inspiring or positive. Read a page or two each day. Start your day with a page and I highly recommend ending your day with a page or two. The purpose is to always be pointing your mind in a positive direction. You will unconsciously grab on to these little bits and pieces. You will find in times of negativity and stress they will help you stay focused and positive with much less effort. I shower daily (I know, too much information.) and I bet you do to. Why? Because the shower we took yesterday didn’t last. There are times when we shower a few times a day because of our activities of the day. We must also do the same with our mind. Shower your mind daily with educational insight, stories and tips on being happy, healthy and successful. 

 2.      Take lots of notes

Taking notes makes learning easier. Not only does it increase our memory and understanding, notes identify what was important easily allows us to expand our thoughts and ideas. Here’s the best part, if you review your notes just before you go to sleep and get seven to eight hours of sleep it makes learning easier. It is between the sixth and eighth hour of sleep that our short-term memory (the notes you took and the notes you read) moves into long-term memory. As you read inspirational and educational books about success, I encourage you to take notes. If you look at any book I have read, you will observe notes in the columns. Sentences, phases and words highlighted or underlined. If it’s really important information I also bend the page over for easy reference. This allows me to review the important information easily and quickly in the future.

 3.      Goal Setting

Your goals MUST be in writing. Make sure they are achievable, measurable, specific and have a date when you will accomplish each goal. READ your goals daily. (Ideally, do this first thing in the morning and just before bed.) SEE yourself as how you would be when you achieve your goal. FEEL the feelings you will feel when you have reached your goal. BELIEVE it’s possible and then let it go and go about your day.

Note: You do not have to know how you are going to achieve your goals. Sometimes we don’t set big goals because we can’t see how it is possible. Before we sent a man to the moon in the nineteen sixties, we didn’t know how we would do it. We just believed it was possible and the how showed up. The same will happen for you.

 4.      Planning

Developing a plan for how you will achieve each goal is important but not something you do daily. What you do though is take one or more action steps toward your goals each day.

 5.      Daily Planning & Checklist     

Know what things need to get done today and then commit to doing them. Know your limitations. Three or four important things to do are about right. Question: Is what I am doing today moving me closer to my goals?

 6.      Picture & Vision Boards                     

Once you have your goals written, start to collect pictures that represent that goal. The mind sees in pictures and the purpose of the mind is to make those pictures come true. The more specific and clearer you make the picture the easier and faster goal achievement becomes. Spend a few minutes looking at your pictures or vision board daily. See it and feel the feelings as if it were already true.

 7.      Affirmations

Affirmations are positive statements about who you are and who you want to become. I use them to change old behaviors and add new behaviors of how I want to be and act in certain situations. It is one way to build self-confidence. I put mine on index cards and on my IPod.

 8.      Quiet Time or Meditation Time    

Time for reflection or just being - is vital; I call it Listening Time. This is the space and place creativity, inspiration and clarity comes from. Learn to go there each day.

 9.      Gratitude

What are you grateful for today? Write in your success journal five or more people, things or situations you are grateful for today. Develop the habit of consciously making one person’s day in a positive way. Make it an “on purpose” without taking any credit, no strings attached and without any expectation of acknowledgement, appreciation or returns. If someone does look at you and say, “Thank you, you made my day.” Just smile and say, “You’re welcome.”

 10. Take Action     

This is the secret to success. TAKE ACTION DAILY. Additionally, begin to be aware of inspired action. As you begin to make these 10 habits part of your daily behavior you will begin to notice times of inspiration, creativity, thoughts and ideas that pop into your mind. Learn to trust and take inspired action. © 2008 Larry Tracey All Right Reserved

 Question: Would reading this every night for the next 30-days make a difference in your life? Email me and let me know on the 31^st day. I can’t wait to hear about your successes!

Larry Tracey is founder of Youth4Youth, an author, keynote speaker and trainer who teaches success and leadership skills to promote school safety by treating everyone with respect. For Ultimate Leadership Training for your school or organization contact Larry Tracey at 216-410-4307 or email success@larrytracey.com 

January 28 – Class Experience
I noticed everyone left quietly after yesterday’s class. “What were your thoughts?” asked Mr. Walker.
Reese raised his hand. “Mr. W, it seems like kids have no way of protecting themselves from things.”
“Very good observation Reese!” as Mr. Walker nodded in agreement and continued, “Let me explain. As a small child we have no way of protecting ourselves. We are like sponges. We don’t care if the water is dirty or the water is clean, we absorb it all. It makes no difference if it’s positive or negative, good or bad, rich or poor, being accepted or being made fun of, included or rejected, built-up or putdown, loving or abusive. We absorb everything and initially have no way of protecting ourselves.”
“It takes a responsible adult to provide protection in those early years. Some of us were fortunate and others less fortunate when it came to this protection and sometimes even under the best circumstances we are negatively impacted. By the age of four, our family has programmed us, along with our social and environmental surroundings, not to mention our genetic programming from past generations. We react to life’s circumstances out of that programming,” said Mr. Walker.
“Wow, then some people are screwed right from the start,” added Reese.
Walker laughed and continued, “Well, not exactly. It depends on where you put your focus. Many people rise above negative experiences just fine and for some reason they only see the positive. But the majority of people have a different experience and learn to focus on the negative which, in turn, becomes their pattern in life and their reality.
“Imagine constantly hearing; you can’t do that, you’re not big enough, not strong enough, not pretty enough, too fat or too skinny, your feet are too big, you’re dumb, you’re stupid. Then you grow up thinking you’re not going to be able to do anything right.”
“That’s a tough start to life,” said Reese.
“Yes Reese, through constant reinforcement in our environment we are convinced or led to believe we are a certain way or we have to be a certain way,” Mr. Walker continued, “Some kids are raised in an environment of positive reinforcement, but for many others, a large portion of their life experience is negative. Focusing on all the negativity attracts more of the same and too many people believe things can’t change and perceive themselves as being stuck. Eventually they become angry, resentful, and hopeless. So I guess your earlier statement that they’re screwed may hold true Reese.”
“Wow, Mr. Walker,” Reese blurted out, “Can you imagine being a fifth grader and having those thoughts and feelings? You see no future, no purpose, and no hope. You see no way out and then they expect you to do well in school? Gimme me a break! Now I see why we have problems in classrooms. While some kids want to learn, others are just there with all that garbage.”
“Well Reese, maybe someday they’ll understand the Secret of the Can,” said Mr. Walker.
Reese continued, “Wouldn’t it be sad being told you’ll never amount to anything as a kid and by 5th grade you believed it?”
“Not only is it sad but it happens often and in ways that are not always obvious,” stated Mr. Walker as his voice softened, “But even sadder is the number of adults who have lived their entire life with that belief.”

Whether you think you can or think you can’t, you’ll be right.
                                                                                                                                                      – Henry Ford

Mr. Walker noticed the time and quickly said, “We’ve covered a lot in class today. Let me try to summarize this before the bell rings. As a child we learn what we live, you become what you learn, and many people think of themselves through the words others use to define them. If the words are mostly critical, it sets up an inner conflict affecting our self-confidence. Inside we know we are good, but this is in conflict with what we are being told on the outside. If we are constantly told no, or we can’t do it, or we’re not good enough, then we begin to believe and behave as if we can’t and we’re not good enough. Those words become our beliefs and our beliefs become our reality and our reality is a direct result of every action we take or don’t take. We become what others have told us we are,” shared Mr. Walker.
“So rather than self-esteem many of us develop other esteem,” Reese said with a new found excitement and understanding.
“Exactly!” answered Mr. Walker with a large smile and a nod of approval. “Many think there’s something wrong with them; they think they’re broken and they need fixed. The fact is – they’re not broken. They were just given a false belief. So change your belief or your judgment about yourself and the world around you will change.”
“Another important fact to remember is that to a child many things appear different than they do to an adult. I remember sledding in my backyard when I was around eight years old. As a kid I thought this was the biggest, baddest, meanest sledding hill around. When I went back to the house few years ago as an adult, I couldn’t believe my eyes…it wasn’t even a hill. How I had that perception as a child I’ll never know. Shortly after we walked into the house and I walked up to the second floor into my old bedroom. The house that seemed like a big mansion when I was a child, all of a sudden was so small.”

“We take many of our childhood perceptions and beliefs, especially our fears and self-doubts into our teenage and adult lives and it’s those perceptions and beliefs that hold many back for a whole lifetime. But the good news is…that can all be changed.”

Just then the bell rang. Reese sat on the far side of the room from the door and was usually the last student out, never rushed in his departure.
“Reese, how’s basketball?” asked Walker.
“It’s good Mr. W. You should stop by and watch practice tonight.”
“I’ll do that Reese,” Walker stated.

Author Larry Tracey is founder and director of the Youth4Youth program. For more information visit:  www.youth4youth.org   or   www.TheSecretoftheCan.com